I am the worst kind of wretch. “Amazing Grace” is such a powerful song. It has a deep meaning for most Christians, and I myself love this song and have sung it more times that I can count. Although I am not a hymn lover per say having been raised in the Charismatic church of the 80’s, I am a praise chorus or worship song girl all the way, I adore this beloved hymn. Recently, while singing this song in church I was hit hard with a thought of just how much of a wretch I really am.
Me? The girl who has been in church since birth? The girl who knew all the answers to all the questions in children’s church? The girl who was saved before I could do anything “really bad”? Oh yeah, I’m the worst kind of wretch. Wait just a minute. I know what you’re thinking. Oh boy, its about to get real good! This “goodie two shoes girl” is about to admit to a deep dark secret sin. This ought to be good. Sorry to disappoint. No deep dark secrets, or skeletons in my closet (unless you count messy and unorganized a skeleton).
Ok, so how am I the worst kind of wretch? Hold on…wait for it…I’m about to get real here. I am a wretch because so many times I have sung that song and thought deep down, I was never really a wretch. I was never really lost. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 4 in children’s church, and I have served him faithfully every since. I have made some mistakes along the way, but nothing “really bad”. I was a pretty good kid. A little mouthy, but overall good. I don’t have an amazing testimony of the life of crime or drugs or gangs that God saved me from just in time. I had awesome Christian parents who took me to church all the time, forced me to have fun as a kid and attend VBS and church camp, and drove me to countless youth events as a teenager. Who in the world would consider me a wretch? I have graduated from Bible College, been a church secretary, nursery worker, children’s church teacher, youth leader, and volunteer of the year. I am a pastor’s wife and a licensed minister. I am a mother of 3 miracle babies, sister, daughter, public school teacher…I am practically a saint. Who in the WORLD would even consider me a wretch?
Then it hit me while singing this song recently in church. The Lord had been working on me to tweak areas of my life that need work. Several people close to me had been pointing out my flaws seemingly at all at once, and I was asking God to help me fix these issues while feeling sorry for myself because I was being picked on by “everyone”. Someone said it was because I was insecure, but the Holy Spirit began to show me that I was quite the opposite. Proud, puffed up, and haughty. I was full of myself. Thinking I was so good, that it was easy to save me. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be my savior? I am awesome!
At this point in time, you are probably ready to stab me in the eye with a pencil for being such a jerk. I know I would be feeling the same way. Who does this girl think she is? The perfect Christian? I have never claimed to be perfect, but honestly I have been a Christian snob at times. Believing I had the right answers, the right church, and the right way of doing things. At other times in my life I have been broken and at the end of myself. Like anyone, I have had ups and downs in my spiritual walk. All I am trying to say is that we are all sinners in need of savior. Especially, when we begin to think that we are pretty awesome in our own right. The fact is, sin is sin in the eyes of God. My prideful attitude is just as much a sin as the murder on death row. When I begin to think otherwise, I open myself up to Satan and a downward spiral of sin.
I’m sure no one else has ever been a spiritual snob like me, but just in case you meet someone else who is struggling with this, my point is: we are all in need of a savior. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We all need Jesus, and it was a painful sacrifice to save any of us, myself included. His grace is amazing in that it would save any sinner, let alone be a free gift for everyone who believes. Thank God that Jesus chose to save a wretch like me!